I’m starting to worry that I no longer have a strong sense of what I want in a long-term residence. I'm starting to disregard many of the initial qualifications and some of the current comforts that I’ve been seeking out seem inconsequential to the larger goal. More than once I have felt despondent about a location which should excite me greatly, and even more frequently I've wondered if I should give up on the Goldilocks Project to continue living the life of a nomad.
Maybe I should take this as a sign that I’ve been too far north for too long and my seasonal depression is kicking in, or maybe I should simply be relieved that van life is going so well. It’s similar to how I felt mid-Freshman year of college, when I realized I didn’t want to continue with my initial major declaration, but didn’t know what I wanted to do instead. My sister asked me what I wanted to do, and I (only half-jokingly) responded “I don’t know. Being a house cleaner wasn’t so bad.” Logically, I know everything is going well and that I am fortunate to experience this lifestyle, but being in the murky pre-decision phase is a little draining and stressful.
I’m going to look at the flip-flopping of priorities as an overall good thing, with the presumption that we are learning more about what our core wants and values are. Here are few things that have shifted in recent months:
1. There must be a downtown. We realized this fairly early into the visiting process, but I feel more and more assured by that decision. As a visitor I like having a destination when I don’t have a clear idea of where I want to walk and what I want to see. I like to think that I’m testing the waters for our numerous future visitors.
2. Population, population density, and growth rate are all things I tracked but didn’t really know how to interpret initially. Although I’m not actively looking at the numbers, I know that we ultimately want a place that feels small, has room to buy land, and is not outgrowing it’s charm and capacity, which effectively correlates to lower population density and low growth rates.
3. Distance to skiing and quality of skiing. I really wanted to keep a few east coast options in my initial list, so I made some compromises, but I’m realizing that I’m not willing to adopt a dinky beginner hill as my hometown resort, and I don’t want to plan on a multi-week ski trip every year.
4. Public land access is something previously discussed as a newly added must-have. I began to worry that this is being overly favored due to van life, but even pre-van our lifestyle revolved around weekly hikes and seeking new adventure spots. It would be a bummer to commit to a long-term home only to realize we’d already seen all of the points of interests a few months in.
5. Not “deserty,” which Cameron uses to describe any place that has browns and golds in the landscape’s color palate and has summer temperatures over 90°. I’m working with him to distinguish what it is he truly doesn’t like, but I think it is an underlying association with the type of activities and vistas we like.
6. Stunning mountain views. This is not a mandate, but every time I see big snow-covered mountains I get happier. Plus, this compliments the three previous points, and mountains often feed into summertime water access (primarily rivers and lakes). I thought about other stunning view options – lakes, ocean, city scape – but none of them hold the appeal of a big majestic rock for me.
7. School ratings don't matter. It seems less and less likely that Cameron and I will have kids, so it seems stupid to limit our options to places that are topping the charts. Sure, it’s easy to find correlations between good school systems and other aspects of a community, but top schools tend to exist in white upper-middle class towns, and I’m not sure if I want to exist in a white upper-middle class town.
8. Home size. I used to think I wanted a five-bedroom home, to allow for visitors and office space, but after living in a van I really don’t think that’s necessary. Cameron and I are in agreement that anything over 3,000sqft is outrageously huge for our life style, and closer to 1,500 is probably the sweet spot. What we’re not in agreement about is the proximity of that home to walkable amenities. We both want to have access to walking/running trails from the house, and we’d like to have some land, although we’re in disagreement about how much. I would like to live in a proper neighborhood, be able to walk or bike to the grocery store, and think that half an acre would be plenty. Cameron’s ideal would be to have 10+ acres (although he hasn’t figured out what he wants to do with that land yet) that is within a 20 minute drive from town. Although we don’t need to decide on the exact home just yet, knowing the style of neighborhood/house/land that we want does change what spots we pursue further.
9. If Cameron wins out and we end up favoring acreage over amenity access, then my initial exclusions based on low walkability scores was unfair and unnecessary.
10. Non-seasonal public bathrooms. Most towns have public restrooms smattered around the high-visited areas, like parks, beaches, and the farmers market hub, but it drives me nuts when they are only available Memorial Day – Labor Day. People still use those spaces the other half of the year! I know this is a silly rant, and it won’t be the determining factor in our ultimate decision, but I think it is very possible that an inaccessible bathroom might sour me enough to put a “no” as my verdict for a place that would otherwise be perfectly suitable.
I know, I know – stop whining, Aisha! I purchased a UV-light that will hopefully help with the seasonal depression and I know wherever we end up will be great. Or it will be perfectly mediocre and I'll just periodically move out of the country for two years at a time to keep life spicy.
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